


Mr. Tall, Blond, and Mysterious

by euphonic



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (hopefully), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gratuitous use of italics, Humor, M/M, Morgana is the best character, One Shot, even more gratuitous use of commas, mall vendor au, take a shot every time i used a thesaurus to find synonyms of "beautiful"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 19:39:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18037607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphonic/pseuds/euphonic
Summary: Over the course of the day, Merlin tried seemingly everything to capture the attention of the blond Adonis. He dropped papers in his path, held up hastily scribbled signs, and, in a moment of desperation, tried to trip him as he walked past. Nothing worked. The papers were sidestepped, the signs blatantly ignored, and his outstretched foot was stepped over (although the last one did earn him a dirty look).Or, Merlin is a lovesick mall vendor, Arthur is gorgeous, and Morgana has had enough.





	Mr. Tall, Blond, and Mysterious

Merlin was saddled with the rather unfortunate occupation of being a mall vendor. Someone had to do it, he supposed, and it did pay the bills (barely). Even so, accosting people minding their own business wasn’t exactly his idea of fun. No matter how _fantastic_ his products were. He rolled his eyes at the colorful “splat balls” displayed on his kiosk—some sort of sticky, squishy balls that went _splat_ when you threw them. They were possibly the most useless rubbish Merlin had ever sold, and that was saying something. Unfortunately, rubbish or not, he still had a job to do.

He rolled his eyes to himself before donning his “charming salesman” persona. “Hello, miss, would you like to witness something extraordinary?”

“Er, I’m good, thanks,” the woman replied, hurrying away.

“Sir!” he turned to man on his other side. “Would you be interested—”

“Not today, thank you.”

And so it continued. As usual, Merlin spent about ninety percent of his shift slacking off, but Morgana would have his hide if he didn’t at least _try_ to make a sale. Yet as usual, not a single person fell for his delightful sales pitches; not even his most winsome smile could sway them. Ah, the trials and tribulations of business.

“Hello, how would—” he stopped abruptly. Approaching him was the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen in his life. Tall, broad-shouldered, and blond, with a face to match, he was practically Merlin’s every fantasy come to life. He discreetly checked to make sure he wasn’t drooling.

“Not interested,” the stranger continued on his way. Damn, talk about a missed opportunity. Not that he would have had much of a chance with someone that stunning, but a man can dream. Merlin stared forlornly after him, determinedly not looking at his arse. Okay, maybe he took a glance or two, but could you blame him? The man was built like a god! A thought that led to images of togas and strong, well-built thighs…He indulged in his daydreams for a good while before finally snapping out of it. He was still at work, after all.

“Merlin!” Speaking of work.

Morgana was one of his closest friends, as well as his boss. It was a fantastic arrangement for him: free coffee in the mornings, someone to gossip with during downtime, and little to no worry about being fired. (Unless he _really_ screwed up. No one had forgotten what happened to Gwaine after The Great Candle Incident of 2017.) The one downside was that she knew him too well.

She had barely handed him his coffee before beginning to interrogate him. “So, who’s the lucky guy?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Apparently, past experience had taught him nothing about lying to her. He took a great gulp of coffee in a vain attempt to avoid her searching gaze. The coffee that was, evidently, the same temperature as the sun. He coughed violently as Morgana delicately patted him on the back.

“Careful, it’s hot,” she smirked, looking far too happy about his suffering.

“Witch,” he glared.

“Don’t think for a second you can avoid the question. Honestly, I could see the dopey look on your face from halfway across the mall. Tell me.”

Merlin sighed, “It’s no one.” Morgana raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Really! Just some bloke who passed through earlier. Nothing happened, I swear.”

“He must have been something else, to get you all worked up like this.”

“I can already tell you’re plotting something,” Merlin groaned. “Just leave it alone! He’s so far out of my league, it’s not even funny. Plus, he’s long gone by no—shit!” Turning the corner at the other end of the building was the same man from before, looking even more handsome than he remembered. “That’s him! Morgana, hide me.” He tried unsuccessfully to conceal his long limbs behind her smaller frame.

She looked at the distant figure with an unreadable expression. “That’s the one, huh? He’s certainly something. Oh, would you look at the time!” she suddenly exclaimed. “I’d best be off, I’m a very busy woman, you know. Don’t get into too much trouble while I’m gone!”

“You’re not even wearing a watch!” Merlin said incredulously. “Don’t you turn your back on me. Morgana!” But she was long gone. He focused on composing himself in order to deal with the matter at hand: namely, Mr. Tall, Blond, and Mysterious, who was heading his way.

“Excuse me,” he tried, but the man was studiously avoiding eye contact. “Hey!”

“I told you, I don’t want to buy anything,” he snapped as he walked past.

“No, that’s not…” Merlin frowned, but the lovely, irritable stranger was already out of sight. “Well. Maybe I’ll just have to try harder.”

~ ✧ ~

Over the course of the day, Merlin tried seemingly everything to capture the attention of the blond Adonis. He dropped papers in his path, held up hastily scribbled signs, and, in a moment of desperation, tried to trip him as he walked past. Nothing worked. The papers were sidestepped, the signs blatantly ignored, and his outstretched foot was stepped over (although the last one did earn him a dirty look). And though he remained unsuccessful in making contact, he gained several muttered nicknames, including “git”, “arse”, and “bloody persistent bastard”.

Far from being deterred, however, Merlin grew more determined each time he was rebuffed. It would be different, he reasoned, if the guy was truly annoyed or uninterested. But Merlin swore he’d seen the man checking him out more than once. In fact, on one memorable occasion, he had turned around, only to find the man staring at his…arse? He had grinned, but before he could say anything, the other was scowling and striding away.

“I swear, it’s like he’s doing it on purpose,” he moaned dejectedly. Gwen, bless her heart, listened sympathetically, nodding in all the right places as he recounted his tale of woe. She thoughtfully added extra whipped cream and sprinkles to his drink upon noticing his miserable expression.

“Oh, Merlin. You know what they say, there’s plenty of other fish in the sea.”

“But I want this _particular_ fish,” He was well aware that he was being unreasonable, but one look at the man’s captivating blue eyes had caused him to lose all sense of rationality.

“Honestly, he sounds like a bit of a prat.” Morgana had impeccable timing, as always.

Merlin pouted. “And apparently that’s my type. God, with a face like that, I wouldn’t even care if he killed puppies for a living.” She rolled her eyes exasperatedly at him.

“Just give it one more try and call it a day,” suggested Gwen, ever the voice of reason. “This is causing you too much distress to worry about it any longer.” She was right, of course. He promised himself he’d chance it once more before giving up.

~ ✧ ~

To Merlin’s dismay, the next time he saw the handsome blond was on his way out the exit. He couldn’t bear the idea that this would be the last time he would ever lay eyes on someone so mesmerizing. Overcome by a sudden panic, he lobbed one of his ridiculous splat balls _straight at the man’s head_. The resulting _smack_ was deafening. Slowly, achingly so, an incredulous gaze was directed toward Merlin, who fervently wished the ground would open up and swallow him. He was frozen to the spot, watching helplessly as the stranger marched angrily toward him. _At least I have his attention now._

Thankfully (or perhaps not), Morgana intercepted him. He was too far away to make out what they were saying, but both were gesturing furiously. At one point, she reached out and smacked him upside the head. Merlin winced in sympathy, having been on the receiving end of that arm more than once. (He wondered if they knew each other; their actions were awfully familiar for two strangers.) Finally, Morgana waved violently in his direction, and the bloke made his way hesitantly toward Merlin’s kiosk.

“So,” he started, “I was blackmailed into hearing you out.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows. “Really? What’s she got on you?” At the sight of the man’s seething glare, he hastily backtracked. “Er, I mean. Sorry for throwing that thing at you. I…slipped?”

He was given a flat look in response. “Try again.”

“…I was trying to get your attention,” he cringed, embarrassed at being caught.

“Why?” The man’s unimpressed gaze bore into him, rivaling even Morgana’s.

“Because—have you seen yourself?” Merlin took a deep breath and prepared for the inevitable rejection. “I wanted to, um, ask you on a date. But I suppose that’s out of the question now.”

“A…date?” The guy’s expression had gone from irritated to shocked as he spoke.

“Yeah,” he snorted. “Why else would I have been harassing you like a madman all day?”

“I don’t know, I thought you were just a really pushy salesman! Or—or you caught me checking you out and it was some weird form or revenge, or something.” His ears had gone bright pink. Merlin thought it was adorable.

“So you _were_ checking me out earlier!”

That earned him an unfairly gorgeous smirk. “Obviously.”

“And about that date…” His heart pounded nervously in his throat.

“Hm,” a nerve-wracking pause, “alright, I suppose. I expect you to pay though, after all the trouble you put me through.” Despite all his bravado, the man’s blush had spread to his cheeks; it was nothing short of enchanting. Merlin could hardly believe his luck.

“Deal. I’m Merlin, by the way.”

“Arthur. Nice to finally meet you.”

Their eyes met for what felt like an eternity before a thought broke through the haze in his brain. “Hang on, Morgana didn’t blackmail you into accepting, did she? I’m so sorry about her, by the way. She’s a terror, honestly, I swear I had nothing to do with whatever she said to you.”

The blond— _Arthur_ , thought Merlin giddily—laughed lightly. “No, I figured as much. If anything, I should be the one apologizing for her.” He grinned in response to Merlin’s curious gaze, which was so dazzling that he nearly missed the next words. “She’s my sister.”

“…She’s _what_?”

**Author's Note:**

> do malls in england even have really aggressive mall vendors? idk this whole premise is possibly flawed?? lmao this has not been britpicked, i just used the words “bloke” and “arse” excessively and hoped no one would notice the difference
> 
> also, remember when splat balls were a thing? i bought two from a mall vendor for $5 once and they got really gross and dusty. plus the people selling them were always strangely aggressive about wanting me to throw one at a pane of glass. and they never even stuck to anything that wasn’t perfectly smooth? apparently i have a lot of repressed feelings about splat balls.
> 
> p.s. in case anyone was wondering, morgana’s nefarious plot probably involved an elaborate and hilarious setup involving the boys, but she decided to speed things up when she saw merlin’s “accident” (it was very hard to watch)
> 
> comments and kudos absolutely make my year, i love you all and hope you have a good day for the rest of your days


End file.
